Since the release of ‘Now That You Are Back’, I have had a number of lovely phone calls and letters from friends and family. One of the frequent responses is people contacting me to say sorry they didn’t do more for us during my illness. This is such a different response to what Rich and I were expecting. We’ve never been upset that people didn’t do more as we are aware that each person can only do what their resources (knowledge, time, own personal situation) allow them to do.

Most of the time we felt really supported by our family and friends and the issues that we communicated in ‘Now That You Are Back’ were really issues that arose from people’s lack of understanding about depression. That is the aim of ‘Now That You Are Back’ - to promote understanding of depression.

I thought what might be helpful today is to give specific examples of some of the more creative ways our family and friends supported us through the depression. So here it is, Ali’s seven suggestions of simple support solutions!

1) Regular Visits:

My father-in-law was recently retired when I went into hospital. He decided to make it his mission to take me out to lunch somewhere every week. He would come to the hospital excited about where he was taking me for lunch that day. Sometimes it would be an expensive restaurant with spectacular views, other times it would be to the beach for fish and chips. What I enjoyed about these times was that we went somewhere different from the hospital, that my father-in-law was excited about taking me out, that although the location was different there was still a sense of routine in the outing (not being keen on surprises), and that my father-in-law never pressured me to talk but just made me feel special by wanting to spend time with me.

2) Chilling out:

Both Richard and my family are church-going families, and they all go to church on Sunday nights. So on Sunday nights when Richard and the families were at church, my sister (who went to church in the morning) would come and keep me company. Now, my sister has an annual subscription to the theatre, so my feeling is she might find Australian Idol a little low-brow. However, every Sunday, without fail she would sit and watch Australian Idol with me. Again, her willingness to go out of her way to do something that wasn’t really her thing made me feel special.

3) Helping around the house:

Unclutter the home to unclutter the mind. One of the things that made me nervous about being discharged from hospital was the idea of having to face housework again. This fear was removed, when my in-laws went over to our house (with our permission) and spring cleaned it. Some people might find this invasive, but I was so thankful for it as it meant when I was discharged I was discharged to a clean and calm home. (I’m not sure it has ever been clean and calm since but that’s a whole other blog)

4) Kicking down the door:

Mums. There’s something about them that gives them the right to do things that you wouldn’t let anyone else in the world do. There was a number of times in my depression where my Mum would announce she was coming over whether I wanted to see anybody or not (obviously some discretion needs to be used – you can’t kick the door down all the time or eventually a steel grill might have to be put up). When you’re depressed it’s very easy to withdraw and avoid seeing anyone. My Mum was great at ignoring this desire and coming over anyway (this was a positive). There were many times that if my Mum hadn’t come over, even when I said I just wanted to be alone, I could have spiraled down further. Obviously it’s a really hard balance to strike as to when you should kick the door down but it is important that someone in your life can do that.

For the next three suggestions, click here!