Christmas is my favourite time of year. I love decorating, making gingerbread houses (I now make three houses a year - if only I could live in them my housing crisis would quickly be averted) and wrapping presents. I love the food, the time spent with family and the excuse to buy large quantities of red and green m&m’s. I start my Christmas shopping in October, my Christmas craft in November and try to have my tree up by the first of December. I buy all the Christmas editions of my favourite home loving magazines and I ALWAYS try to fit too much in before Christmas often ending in a mad rush on Christmas eve to finish making puddings, presents and potato salad.

Then in just a few brief days it’s all over for another year and I get really down. A whole year until Christmas comes again? No more excuses for eating chocolate and drinking champagne before 11am? No more advent calendar drawers to open? No more days off work? As I take the Christmas decorations down I feel a real grief and sadness. I know I’m not alone in this either. This year however, I’m putting into place some strategies to reduce the post Christmas let down.

Firstly I’m booking my next bout of annual leave in now. This means that when I return to work after Christmas I have something to look forward to. Something to plan. I find that if I keep looking forward it stops me looking back and being depressed about Christmas being over.

Secondly. I’m making sure I don’t do all my catching up with friends before Christmas. The effects of this are two-fold. Number one it stops me from over-committing myself before Christmas. Number two, it helps me to have pleasant experiences in January and February and not just limit myself to pre-Christmas.

Thirdly, Richard and I have committed to going to the beach once a week for the next couple of months. This means I get out of the house, I get to enjoy God’s great creation, I get a bit of sun, and I continue to do nice things even after Christmas.

Lastly, I’m going to take lots of photos over Christmas and use them as my screen saver. This way I can still remember how fun Christmas was and can start to think what I’d like to do the same and what I’d like to do differently next year.

Hopefully, by putting these strategies into place I won’t have the lows that i often get after Christmas.

I love Tigger. You know, the bouncy tiger character from A.A. Milne’s ‘Winnie the Pooh’. I always thought he was pretty cool but when I was really depressed, Tigger became my role model. Now I know it’s a little sad having a fictitious character as your role model but let me explain. When I was depressed, Tigger was everything I was not, and reminded of who I used to be. So I started collecting Tigger memorabilia and putting it around the house as a reminder of who I used to be. My favourite Tigger I own is the bouncing tigger. He bounces across the floor singing his whacky song not letting anything get in the way of his bouncing. You can pick him up and move him, but he continues to bounce. Even if you just sit and watch him he continues to ask you to join him “Let’s Bounce”.

My niece loves Piglet. She has two piglet toys - ’stay at home’ piglet and ‘travelling’ piglet. When she has piglet with her she feels safe and if you want her to sleep, piglet needs to be by her side. She loves piglet so much that pink is her favourite colour, and pigs are her favourite animals. Her favourite flavour is strawberry. When I was depressed I was a bit more like piglet. Timid and nervous, feeling small and unnoticed. I felt I was too weak to be able to offer anything to anyone. Piglet does have some really strong points though. He is loyal and trustworthy. He is thoughtful and generous. There’s a lot to be said for being a Piglet.

Eeyore on the other hand I find a little difficult to handle. We all have Eeyores in our life, people who are constantly gloomy. People who when you ask how they are, spend the next five minutes telling you how terrible their life is. It’s very easy to be an Eeyore. To focus on the negatives in life and always expect the worst. I try really hard not to be an Eeyore. It’s important to be able to talk to people about how you’re feeling and be honest about your struggles, but this doesn’t have to be the focus of every conversation. There is a difference between sharing a bit of what’s going on for you and being so self absorbed you are unable to talk about anything except yourself. (This can also happen when things are going really well and you just want to tell people how great everything is). When I am down I try to take the time to ask other people how they are going or if I don’t feel up to that I surround myself with positive people and let them do the talking. I find this is much more helpful than spending all my time talking about how bad things are for me.

Pooh - well aside from his name (who would have thought he could become a Disney star with such an unfortunate name) is very consistent. He is slow and steady with a major weakness for honey. As long as he has honey he is pretty much content. At times I can be like that with chocolate. However, as Pooh found out, too much of a good thing can have disastrous consequences (http://www.winnie-the-pooh.ru/stories/english/hole/ or read the book “Winnie-the-Pooh”). And then he has to go on a crash diet. Thankfully for Pooh he had Christopher Robin who came around to read to him and care for him while he went through the diet-from-hell. We all need a friend like Christopher Robin.

At times I’ve been a mix of Eeyore, Piglet and Pooh but when I’m doing well I’m really Tigger. Let’s Bounce!

Over the last few years, Alison & I have met & know a lot of mum’s who have experienced post-natal depression. As if motherhood isn’t hard enough!

Well, 18th-24th of November is Postnatal Depression (PND) Awareness Week. The following information comes from Beyond Blue & we hope it helps raise the awareness of this often devastating illness.

Postnatal depression (PND) affects one in seven women giving birth in Australia. As well as being a devastating experience for the new mother, it also has dramatic effects on the infant and mother’s personal relationships with other family members.

Left untreated, the impact on the mother and her children can be profound. Children of depressed mothers have a higher risk of cognitive and behavioural difficulties, as well as impairments in later mental health. When left untreated, PND can impact on family relationships and some studies have also indicated that the partners of women with PND may also be at greater risk of depression.

The recent beyondblue Depression Monitor Survey found that awareness and understanding of PND is low with less than 1 per cent of the respondents recognising it as a major mental health problem.

Adding to the lack of understanding and awareness of the illness, there was also confusion around the prevalence of PND. Most people were unsure if PND affects 5 per cent, 15 per cent, 30 per cent or 50 per cent of new mothers. (It’s 16 per cent.) While just over half of those surveyed said the first person they’d seek help from for PND would be a doctor or GP, 22 per cent said they would talk to a family member or friend.

Taking into account the low level or awareness about the condition and its prevalence and the fact that many people would seek help from a friend or family member, it highlights the importance of raising awareness across the community about ante and postnatal depression - not just among pregnant women, new mothers and their partners.

Every year, beyondblue dedicates a week in November to focus particularly on raising awareness about PND - but it’s an issue that needs attention all year round.

For more information on Postnatal Depression, including signs, symptoms, available treatments and where to get help click here.

More suggestions for supporting someone with depression…

5) Thinking like an engineer:

My father is Mr fix-it. My niece thinks that my Dad can fix anything (and most of the time he can – although it is important to realize that often a large amount of swearing is required to really fix things properly). When I got sick and my Dad couldn’t fix my depression, he looked for things he could fix. He built me a shower (we were living in a house that only had a bath). Now I’m not sure his motives were entirely pure as the bath was causing the whole personal care things to be a bit too much of an effort so I do wonder whether he built me a shower to help reduce my smell however, he built me a shower. I’m not suggesting every Dad should build their daughter a shower if she’s diagnosed with depression but Dad’s willingness to do something physical to show he was concerned about my mental health was really helpful.

6) An unexpected gift at an unexpected time:

For anyone who knows about love languages & knows me, they’d know my love language is gifts. So it was lovely when people showed that they cared by getting me stuff. It didn’t have to be expensive stuff (a flower picked from the garden speaks as loudly as a $100 bouquet – not that you’re not welcome to get me a $100 bouquet). Some of my favourites were a box of Krispy Kreme donuts, a pair of slippers (I had been wearing Richard’s which were about 10 sizes too big), a good book, some penny whistle sheet music (I can’t even play the penny whistle), some cut up pineapple, chewy caramel Tim Tams, a Tigger (Tigger will also be discussed in some future blog I’m sure), a vegetarian McDonald’s meal, a picture of Guy Sebastian from Australian Idol (yes I know I’m sad- I don’t have it up on my wall or anything though), a fish and fish tank, a bookmark with a cool quote on it and some tracky-daks (I think these are called sweat pants in some countries). See it doesn’t always have to be chocolate (although I used to be very fond of chocolate)

7) A trans-galactic and interspecies visitor:

Probably my two favourite visits (if I had to pick favourites) were the ones that had to make an extra special effort to come. One was a friend from school who had to walk about 1km to the train station, catch 2 trains, and then walk another 1km to the hospital - and that was just one way. The fact that he made such an effort to see me meant a lot to me. My other favourite visit was from my friend’s puppy. He came and visited me in the grounds of the hospital. He was very friendly. He did not bring me chocolates but he did lick my hand so I forgave him – it’s not his fault they wouldn’t serve him at Darrell Lea.

I hope this is of some help to people who aren’t sure how to show someone who has depression that they care. And remember even sending a card saying you care is a great way to encourage someone who has depression - and don’t forget the carer (spouse, parent etc). A note or a meal for them is of great help also.

Love,

Alison.

Since the release of ‘Now That You Are Back’, I have had a number of lovely phone calls and letters from friends and family. One of the frequent responses is people contacting me to say sorry they didn’t do more for us during my illness. This is such a different response to what Rich and I were expecting. We’ve never been upset that people didn’t do more as we are aware that each person can only do what their resources (knowledge, time, own personal situation) allow them to do.

Most of the time we felt really supported by our family and friends and the issues that we communicated in ‘Now That You Are Back’ were really issues that arose from people’s lack of understanding about depression. That is the aim of ‘Now That You Are Back’ - to promote understanding of depression.

I thought what might be helpful today is to give specific examples of some of the more creative ways our family and friends supported us through the depression. So here it is, Ali’s seven suggestions of simple support solutions!

1) Regular Visits:

My father-in-law was recently retired when I went into hospital. He decided to make it his mission to take me out to lunch somewhere every week. He would come to the hospital excited about where he was taking me for lunch that day. Sometimes it would be an expensive restaurant with spectacular views, other times it would be to the beach for fish and chips. What I enjoyed about these times was that we went somewhere different from the hospital, that my father-in-law was excited about taking me out, that although the location was different there was still a sense of routine in the outing (not being keen on surprises), and that my father-in-law never pressured me to talk but just made me feel special by wanting to spend time with me.

2) Chilling out:

Both Richard and my family are church-going families, and they all go to church on Sunday nights. So on Sunday nights when Richard and the families were at church, my sister (who went to church in the morning) would come and keep me company. Now, my sister has an annual subscription to the theatre, so my feeling is she might find Australian Idol a little low-brow. However, every Sunday, without fail she would sit and watch Australian Idol with me. Again, her willingness to go out of her way to do something that wasn’t really her thing made me feel special.

3) Helping around the house:

Unclutter the home to unclutter the mind. One of the things that made me nervous about being discharged from hospital was the idea of having to face housework again. This fear was removed, when my in-laws went over to our house (with our permission) and spring cleaned it. Some people might find this invasive, but I was so thankful for it as it meant when I was discharged I was discharged to a clean and calm home. (I’m not sure it has ever been clean and calm since but that’s a whole other blog)

4) Kicking down the door:

Mums. There’s something about them that gives them the right to do things that you wouldn’t let anyone else in the world do. There was a number of times in my depression where my Mum would announce she was coming over whether I wanted to see anybody or not (obviously some discretion needs to be used – you can’t kick the door down all the time or eventually a steel grill might have to be put up). When you’re depressed it’s very easy to withdraw and avoid seeing anyone. My Mum was great at ignoring this desire and coming over anyway (this was a positive). There were many times that if my Mum hadn’t come over, even when I said I just wanted to be alone, I could have spiraled down further. Obviously it’s a really hard balance to strike as to when you should kick the door down but it is important that someone in your life can do that.

For the next three suggestions, click here!

Here’s my six suggestions for sensational sleep!

1. Make the bed - it sometimes seems like a lot of effort to make a bed you’re about to sleep in, but it’s amazing the difference a well made bed can make in helping you to relax into sleep. If you should change the sheets but don’t have the energy, just change your pillowcase (don’t do this for too long though - eventually those sheets will need to be changed - I continue to wait in hope for the self-sheet-changing bed but am willing to discard that dream in exchange for a flying car)

2. Don’t watch TV or use the computer for about an hour before you go to bed (and definitely don’t watch it in bed - bed is for sleeping). You can read but don’t read anything too exciting- you’re meant to be relaxing. (I’ve been known to say I’ll just read one chapter of a book and then I stay up until 2am reading the whole book - this does not help with getting a good night’s sleep - I now only read short stories before I go to sleep).

3. Relax your mind. There’s heaps of ways to do this. Counting sheep (I’ve never really understood how to do that but I’m sure it helps some people). For a while I did these relaxation exercises - it basically involves starting with your toes - clenching them for the count of three then relaxing them for the count of three. You then clench your calf muscles (you might need to point your toes to do this) then relax your calf muscles and so on. This can be a good way to understand what your muscles feel like when they are tense and when they’re relaxed. This technique worked for me for a while, but then I got bored and my mind started wandering and I started thinking about other stuff that was stressing me like how was I going to save the world when I didn’t have any super powers - and then I couldn’t go to sleep. So then I started doing brain teasers. This worked for a while too but then I found I got distracted doing that. Then I started counting backwards from 100 by 7’s (if you’re like me and never learnt your seven times tables this can be quite a challenge. I tended to get stuck around about 86). My current technique is based around a game known as “Scategories”. So I come up with a category e.g. girls’ names then starting at A I work my way through the alphabet coming up with names that start with that letter e.g. Alison, Bronwynne, Catherine, Debbie etc. I have however become very good at some of these categories (I’ve been using this technique for a couple of years now) and so now I have some more difficult categories e.g. Surnames of people I went to Highschool with, People I’ve worked with, things to do with the beach and even categories I can use for “Scategories”. My point is - do what works for you. The main purpose is however, to not be thinking about things that cause you stress or even activate your brain too much, rather it’s to be able to get your brain into a state of relaxation so you can drift off into sleep

4. Routine. So being married to a musician and having no fixed address doesn’t really lend to a life of routine however there are some things I can control in my environment to help my body know that it’s time to get ready to sleep. Things like getting into my pyjama’s, taking my tablets, moisturising (OK so I don’t do that all the time but hey I like to pretend). I know some people who have a half hour routine they use before they go to bed. Some people find putting lavender oil (make sure it’s the essential oil not the synthetic on a tissue (kleenex for the americans) and put it under your pillow. Speaking of pillows, I also make sure wherever I am in the world I have a quality pillow. I never have room in my luggage to take my own pillow as the concept “travel light” is quite foreign to me - so i normally end up buying a pillow when I arrive in the country. This gives me a level of control over my sleep environment.

5. Try to go to bed and get up at the same time every day - again this is fairly difficult depending on your lifestyle but it’s a good aim to have.

6. If you can’t sleep, get up out of bed, go to another room, read a trashy magazine or a boring textbook for a few minutes (my brother used to listen to tapes of my sister’s statistics lectures) then go back to bed and try again. Tossing and turning only makes it worse - the more you stress about not being able to sleep the harder it will be to sleep.

Sleep well.

It’s been a really busy week this week with a lot of deadlines and late nights. It made me think of the importance of quality sleep.

Most people know that when they get tired they get more irritable but often I find I also am more prone to feeling depressed when I’m tired. I find myself turning back to old thinking patterns. My thoughts turn from seeing things as single instances (it’s a shame there’s a traffic jam today but what a good run I had home yesterday) to things like ‘this always happen to me’ (The lights are always red, the traffic light controllers do it on purpose just to annoy me and I’ve never, ever had a trip where the traffic lights weren’t all red). I also find my ability to see the good in people dissipates and even the loveliest of people get on my nerves.

When you suffer from depression, tiredness can be a massive obstacle against your power to challenge your thinking. I’ve found it really important to make getting quality sleep a priority in my living with depression. I try to make sure that I don’t book up my weekend and week nights with lots of late night activities. Obviously I still want to be able to go to parties and stay out late but I need to find a balance. I’ve discovered that if I have too many late nights in a row then I end up getting quite low and end up cancelling a whole lot of other commitments and staying at home to recover. So if I pace myself in my late nights and say no to some things it means I can continue having a social life every week of the year not ebbing and flowing according to my fatigue.

I thought it might be helpful to talk about some of the things that help me to get a good nights sleep. With most cases of depression there is either insomnia (inability to sleep) or hypersomnia (increased need to sleep). I’ve pretty much always had the hypersomnia, so my tips might not be much use to the insomniac. However I hope there might be a few ideas that can help you. So in the next blog entry are my six suggestions for sensational sleep!

Today is Blue Day, also known as World Mental Health Day. As the idea of the day is to help raise awareness of depression and anxiety, I thought it might be useful for me to give a few suggestions as to how to help someone suffering from anxiety or depression. So here’s the simple answer to what can I do to help someone suffering from anxiety or depression - ask them how you can help.

Ask them what you can do - do they need a meal cooked? Do they need someone to take them out for coffee, to watch stupid movies with, to sit with them quietly? Do they need someone to pray with them (if you’re the praying type) or for them, someone to drive them to the doctors or just someone to talk to? They may not know what they want or need but just offering can help them to feel someone cares.

The other big thing is to put it in writing that you care. When you’re depressed it’s easy to believe that no one cares, that no one would miss you if you were dead. But if it’s in writing (and if you can organise a number of people to put it in writing) it becomes hard evidence and it becomes harder to believe that no one cares.

Above all, don’t be scared and don’t pretend like there’s nothing wrong. Admit you don’t know what to do or how to help but that you want to help. One in five people will suffer major depression in their life at some point. It could be you next time, so treat the person the way you would want to be treated. With love, gentleness and compassion not condescendingly but thoughtfully.

Have a great Blue Day,

love,

ali

We released advanced copies of ‘Now That You Are Back’ on the weekend. A number of people have asked me how I feel about our personal story being available for people to read. Certainly when Richard first came up with the idea of writing the book I was keen but nervous. I put a number of restrictions on the information he was allowed to share in the book but as the book progressed I felt more and more like I needed to tell our whole story if it was going to have an impact. One of the big issues surrounding mental illness is the stigma attached and the unwillingness of people to talk about the illness. If we want to increase understanding, we need to give people the full picture of depression and how it impacts people on every level. So far all the reactions to the book have been really positive and people seem to appreciate how open we have been.

I remember years ago reading “April Fools Day” by Bryce Courtney. This is the Courtney family’s story of their son suffering from haemophilia and later HIV/AIDS. Their story really gave an insight into the illness, along with the difficulties faced by those caring for someone with HIV/AIDS. I’m not aware of ever having met anyone with HIV/AIDS but I think reading “April Fools Day” made me feel better equipped to know how to relate to someone who does have this devastating condition.

I hope “Now that You Are Back” is like this. Helpful not only for anyone who has been through, or is currently suffering from depression or anxiety disorder, helpful for anyone who is supporting or wanting to support someone who has depression or anxiety disorder but also helpful for anyone who just wants to be better educated on how they can help their “fellow man”.

Hi and welcome to our blog! In the future I hope to talk about different issues surrounding depression and mental health and pretty much whatever else takes my fancy but for this entry I thought I’d tell you a little about Richard and I, and why Richard decided to write “Now that you are back”.

Richard and I met when we were kids. Our parents were at the same church and we went to the same primary school. However we weren’t too fond of each other growing up. It wasn’t until we were about 18, when Richard drove me home from a music festival (normally a 2 hour drive but Richard “got lost” and it took a lot longer) that we hit it off and sparks began to fly. It took a further three months before we got together. It wasn’t long after that we both realized we had something pretty special and that we were keen to get married as soon as possible.

During the time we were dating I started to experience panic attacks. This is basically an anxiety overload. There were a number of issues that triggered the first panic attack but it was not long until only the smallest thing would set off a panic attack. (To find out more read ‘Now that you are back‘). With help I managed to get the panic attacks under control but only a couple of years later I developed Clinical Depression. The depression was even more debilitating than the panic attacks and it overtook our life.

I remember in the peak of the depression feeling totally alone and overwhelmed. I remember many times thinking this will never end. Richard had similar feelings as he watched me struggle with the depression. Some years later when we were talking about this period of time, one of us expressed how helpful it would have been to have met people who had overcome depression. If we couldn’t meet them, then at least read someone else’s story. It was then that we realised that maybe we could offer this to other people. Richard and I had been to the lowest of lows but what we thought would be of more encouragement to people would be the fact that we had come out on top!

A number of people have already said to me (before the book has even been launched), “don’t you think it’s a bit scary having everyone knowing your story?”. It is a bit scary that people I may have never met, know a lot of stuff about me, but Richard and I both think it’s worth it. Our hope is that through this book people will see that not only can there be life after depression, but there can be growth through depression and that you can come out a stronger and deeper person than you started.

We look forward to sharing our story with you!

alison.